The other day, I headed off to Hackney after class to go to my internship...simply because that's where I love to be. I had work to do as well, but I just love going to my internship. But that day in particular, Thursday, I learned more about myself in a few hours than I have been able to figure out in a long time.
What an incredible feeling of independence it is to just walk around London and do as I feel without a care in the world. Well, of course I have many cares in the world, but what a brilliant feeling. I had my iPod in, listening to all the most marvelous tunes, and was just completely soaking in all the glory of London: the tube, the people, the sites, the freedom, the buildings, the smells, everything. I can hardly put it into words and I know that I'm not giving those moments justice. But during that time, I thought about so many things and tried to figure out so much. I didn't necessarily have any resolution to any of the things I thought about, but it felt so good to be able to think for once. I have been going and going non-stop for the past couple of weeks, unable to take a moment to process everything, but Thursday gave me that moment, plus a few more.
I thought about my internship and how it's something that I can see myself doing for a long time after college. I thought about The Pendulum and my future and how much it hurts to see such incredible things going on with the paper and I'm unable to be there to share in it - it's given me so much joy to see everything online at least and to see how stunning the paper has become, but I so want to be a part of it. I thought about my major and how much time is left in making a decision about my future - not only have I been unable to decide between television and print/online, but radio has been added to the confusion and fumble. I thought about my family and how my mom will be here so soon and I finally get to share my city with her.
And as I was taking in the glory of independence and realizing how much I have grown in only one month, I thought about how this is the only place in the world where I will be completely happy. It's the only place I can imagine spending the rest of my life. And whether I have to live here and there for some years before I make it to London, it's a time that I'm willing to spend.
2 comments:
I love you for all your deepness. I know you will end up in London and even though it will be so hard to have u that far away, it will be easier knowing how happy you are, living with Rupert and your 5 red-headed children all sipping typhoo tea :) love you dearly rooms
I had many, many moments like that in the city. Walking alone in that city made me incredibly thoughtful, and it deeply changed the way I think about myself and my life. I learned, in that city, to be comfortable alone, with myself and my thoughts.
Embrace moments like that, because they're so moving and so important. And don't feel about doing them justice. Most people, myself included, have had them and understand what they feel like.
Miss you!
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